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The Husband Who Does Not Follow God
And How To Win Him Over!


1 PETER 3 v 1- 2 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. NIV
1 PETER 3 v 1- 2 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. KJV

This is a very difficult subject to broach, because in these the end days, there is a great void that has come between a husband and a wife. There are irreconcilable differences, faults that can not be looked past, habits that each of you thought you could break the other of over time, neither realizing that the things you now hate were the quirks you first loved about them.

We all want to take our lover and put them in a box that they don't always fit like a square into a circle, failing to realize that the only one who can change them is God, and the only things that he will change about them are those problems and issues they have that are detrimental to their salvation, and that is usually just the way they think and their heart attitude, he will change it from that of the world, to that of His way of thinking and their attitude of heart to the attitude of heart that comes to all who belong to Christ. Unless you are an incredibly nasty, horrible person, you essentially remain the same personality-wise.

Your nose doesn't instantly acquire a 45 degree change in angle in the upwards direction (like most rich peoples butlers are often portrayed as having), you don't become perfect in actions or in speech and foul language immediately, these are things that the Lord, if allowed leads you away from. God wants you to have a little bit of substance about you; you don't have to be as bland as a rice cake. Me, I'm a fruit loop and proud of it, I'm incredibly forgetful, clumsy, my husband runs in terror if he's injured, you see, I don't go out of my way to hurt him, but injured people and I don't mix, if you have even so much as a paper cut on you small toe, I guarantee you I will find it accidentally by stepping on in it, and my poor husband, well, he's somewhat accident prone so we are always having them same problem, him nursing a double injury and me apologizing profusely, what a pair we make Huh! Some times we don't know whether to laugh or cry. But that's what makes me who I am, the person my husband loved in the beginning and whom he still loves now.

My point is this, we all love someone for what they can be, in our eyes, and we are all full of 'good intentions', but do the things we see them becoming if they "would only try," these visions of human greatness, do they match up with what God desires them to become? Have we in our push to change them, to make them conform to sometimes-ridiculous ideals, pushed them away from God rather than to him? Are your actions and speech contrary to what you are telling him he must become? Are you encouraging him to become some great and powerful man of God who has to 'get it together quick smart' and 'hurry up and start walking on water already', when your life resembles nothing of the Christian walk lain out for you in scripture.

Have we made it almost impossible for them to accept Christ, because they feel that He requires something from them they could not possibly live up to?

The saying "Actions Speak LOUDER Than Words" is the very key to this whole article. Instead of always being in your husband's ear about going to church because you are tired of being the only one in your little group at church whose husband does not go, and yes some of you women are that selfish, that your true concern is not really his salvation but how YOU look in front of your friends, so instead of telling him he is going to hell (which you have probably done so many times he either thinks or wishes he was already there), and instead of snubbing him or leaving blatantly obvious highlighted scriptures and post-it notes and tracts which he doesn't even look at, he just throws out, just stop, it's not working anyway, so just stop.

Start afresh, right now, start living before him in the way Christ commands you live, let him see just how it is done, without any false and blatantly over the top exhibitions of just what a wonderful Christian you are, show him you are still human, we all make mistakes and through yours, he will see how easy it is to be forgiven to get up when you fall and fail, to walk away from your sin and not return, show him that a holy life comes easily to those that love the Lord and hate the world, even through the hardships, that God's yoke is light and does not get you stuck in the quagmire which is everyday life and places you back on the road of righteousness, be the wife of noble character spoken about in PROVERBS 31 v 10- 31 (See article: The Fallen Housewife ... Redeemed! For an in-depth into these scriptures), be submissive, do everything your husband asks of you unless it's illegal, do it joyfully, with pleasure in your heart and gentleness in your voice and manner of doing things.

Submit/ Submission: To obey, be under obedience, obedient, put under, subdue unto, and submit self unto.

Diligent: To await earnestly or eagerly, carefulness, earnestness, and eagerness.

HEBREWS 6 v 10-12 God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, in order to make your hope sure. We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised.
Faithful: To be merciful, faithful, kind, benevolent, gracious and good.

1 CORINTHIANS 1 v 4- 9 I always thank God for you because of his grace given you in Christ Jesus. For in him you have been enriched in every way- in all your speaking and in all your knowledge- because our testimony about Christ was confirmed in you. Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed. He will keep you strong to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ. God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Christ Jesus our Lord, is faithful.

1 TIMOTHY 1 v 12- 17 I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that her considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ came into the world to save sinners- of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor, glory forever and ever. Amen.

You must realize and acknowledge and accept just how much of a sinner you were and how much grace and mercy was shown you by God when He forgave you all your sins, you must realize that your husband through his unbelief acts in spiritual ignorance, and this is not to say that the man is stupid, but that he is ignorant of the things of God, he knows the law of the land, he knows right from wrong, but his eyes, ears and mind have not been opened up to the things of God, to understanding the full consequences of all his actions, of all his attitudes of heart and mind, all his motives and where they will lead him either to heaven or to hell, he does not know that his past life and all the life he has ahead of him cost the life of the Son of God. When you realize and accept this, you will understand that he needs you to show him how it's done as it was done for you when you first became saved and called of God, just as you would require him to live before you as a man of God if the roles were reversed and it was you who were in need of a savior and your husband was the one who truly and deeply walked with the Lord.

In 1 TIMOTHY 5 v 9- 10 it talks about a woman who is now a widow, it states the requirements she must meet to be put on the list of widows, once on this list, she in her old age will be honored and taken care of by others. As to the main reason why I am referring you to these verses, as I am sure you are wondering for all of you are married to an unbeliever, my point is this:

She has been FAITHFUL to her husband, (not only sexually, but in the following ways also,) and is well known for her good deeds, SUCH AS bringing up children, showing hospitality, washing the feet of saints, helping those in trouble and devoting herself to all kinds of good deeds.

Your life in the outside world must reflect that of the life you lead behind closed doors, it must be genuine and constant, if you are a saint in front of others and a witch at home, which do you think your husband will believe? Keep in mind that this is called living a lie before God and this is where the liars are put:

REVELATIONS 22 v 14 - 15 Blessed are those who washed their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves falsehood.

Is your number one priority to see your husband saved? Or is it to walk in the ways that the Lord has placed before you, being humble, in holy fear of God, righteous in His sight and pure, chastened, with a bridled tongue and having faith that it is God who saves man, believing in God and that He will bring your husband to salvation, giving God the glory in everything you do knowing that it is one more thing for your husband to witness, that through your behavior, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives?

That through all this, they might eventually come to Christ, willingly of their own accord, and they will be blessed and truly saved. In short, salvation belongs to our God, it is He who will save or condemn a man, it is up to us as wives to live accountably before God and live out our lives and work out our own salvation with fear and trembling with all subjection as it is written in ROMANS 14 v 12: So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God, that is every useless word, action or thought, even the attitude of heart in which we did all these things. HEBREWS 4 v 13 says: Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give an account.

Be obedient to your husband, for at the judgment he must present you before God, HE is accountable for YOU as your headship, make sure you don't let him down. You don't want him telling God you were unruly, a bad egg and that there was nothing he could do to help you be saved and walk uprightly before God because of your love for rebellion.

Trust your husband, trust his judgment, do what he says and you will be in good standing before the Lord. My last admonition is to pray for your husband's salvation, in private, by yourself so as not to aggravate him, it is these things that will bring your husbands to Christ.

If your husband is not saved, let us know and we will join you in prayer for him. As a final note, I would caution those of you who are single not to marry a man who is unsaved, no matter how much you think you love him. Do you not trust and believe that God can supply you with a husband who is saved and walking with him? Do you not think that your Father in heaven would give you this? If you are patient and will wait upon the Lord, he can make it so. Why would you burden yourself down and join in spirit, knowingly, to a man who rejects the One whom you love?

Don't do it, don't marry an unbeliever, you will find yourself in all manner of problems, and problems are different from trials, trials cause you to grow in the Lord and have a deeper trust and reliance upon God to meet your every need, problems crush the spirit and cause heartaches like you wouldn't believe.

So study, in your word, seek out God's truth and plan for you, do not give up on praying for your husband, and seek God for a godly husband if you are unmarried. I receive emails everyday from women who thought that things would get better once they were married who are now very sadly mistaken, and it is heartbreaking to hear their stories, it is hard for them to accept that the gift of free will that God gave unto all men, gives their husband the right to deny God's power in their life to there dying breath and that unless adultery or abuse is committed by their husband, that they are stuck in a marriage that will never fulfill them spiritually. So please, don't rush into anything foolish, and for those already married, don't give up praying and going on for God with everything you have within you, the enemy comes to seek, kill and destroy, and he is attacking the family, he is trying to break up the home and cause so much pain and hurt that you all fall away from God. Don't hold any bitterness or resentment towards God for your husband's decisions, for they are his own to make.

And don't be bitter or resentful towards your husband, just love him and pray for, encourage him as a man and build him up to be the head of your house, submit to him and be at peace, God is in control and has his hand upon both of your lives whether you see it or not. If you are in an abusive relationship, don't just sit there, do something about it, get help! Get out of there and trust in God, don't leave your children in a dangerous situation that might sabotage their chances of coming to know the Lord because their hearts are hardened from childhood hardships. Go to the police and get help! If this is not the case and you are a miserable housewife, sorry honey, make the best of it, this is were you are at and you had better get to praying that God would take control and do a radical change, firstly within you that you might find joy and peace in the life which you live, and secondly in your home that there might be unity and love.

All my love and prayers go out to you, for in my case, I was the unsaved partner. And it was firm resolution by my husband to follow God and do his will, that open my eyes to my true self and the danger I was in, and what I was missing out on if I stayed outside of God's grace. So be at peace, be in prayer and begin the change in the way you have done things thus far. And look forward to the days ahead, knowing that you get to witness firsthand the power of God being exerted over the life of your loved one and take joy in watching the Lord draw him into the sheepfold.

Please feel free to contact us with any questions about this article.

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