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Contentious Women

Proverbs 14:1
Every wise woman buildeth her house; but the foolish plucketh it down with her own hands.

WOMAN 802 Ishshah; feminine of 376 or 582
Irregular plural of nashiym; a woman:- adulteress, each, every, female, x many, + none, one, + together, wife, woman.

376 iysh contribution for 582
A man as an individual or a male person; often used as an adjunct to a more definite term:- also, another, any (man), a certain, - champion, consent, each, every one, fellow, (foot), - husbandman, good great, mighty-man, he, high (degree), people, person, steward, worthy.

582 enowsh
a mortal, a man in general

WISE WOMAN Proverbs 24:3
Through wisdom is a house builded; and by understanding it is established.

WISDOM 2451 Chokhmah; originates from 2449
Means wisdom, knowledge, experience, intelligence, insight, judgment. Always used in a positive sense. True wisdom leads to reverence for the Lord. Used to describe an entire range of human experience: embroidering, metal working, military strategy, diplomacy, shrewdness, prudence and practical spirituality. God is all powerful and all knowing, therefore all wisdom has its source in Him. The figure of wisdom was never regarded as independent of God. It is only one of His attributes.

2449 Chakham;
To be wise, act wisely, be intelligent, be prudent, become wise, make wise, to teach, to be cunning, clever, to think oneself wise, to show oneself wise. It is an intelligent attitude toward the experiences of life. This includes matters of general interest, basic morality, prudence in secular affairs, skills in the arts, moral sensitivity and spiritual experience. Hebrew wisdom was very different from other ancient world views. Israel believed that there was a personal God who is holy and just, and He expects us to live our lives according to His principles. They emphasized the human will of the heart, NOT the intellect (the head). Therefore Hebrew wisdom was very practical. It was based on what God revealed about right and wrong. This all applied to daily life.

UNDERSTANDING 8394 tabuwn and tebuwnah or towbunah from 995;
Intelligence, an argument, discretion, reason, skillfulness, understanding, wisdom.

995 biyn a primary root.
To separate, mentally, distinguish, i.e., understand, attend, consider, be cunning, diligently, direct, discern, eloquent, feel, inform, instruct, have intelligence, know, look well to, mark, perceive, be prudent, regard, skill, teach, think, understand, view, wise.

From Proverbs 24:3 - IS ESTABLISHED 3559 kuwn, a primary root
To be erect. To set up in a great variety of applications whether literally (establish, fix, prepare, apply) or figuratively (appoint, render, sure, proper, prosperous): certain, confirm, direct, faithfulness, fashion, fasten, firm, be fitted, be fixed, frame, be meet, ordain, order, perfect, make preparation, prepare (self), provide, make provision, ready, right, set, be stable.

"So we can here learn that the word 'woman' comes from the word 'man'. Even so the woman comes from the man. Look at the difference in the descriptions of the two and see for yourself, (women's liberation movement will hate to see this!) THE MALE IS THE ONE TO BE HELD IN HIGH ESTEEM. The woman is to submit to him if she has ANY hope of having a well established home. It is through the woman that the male gains his castle. We have the ability to make our dreams of home life and relationships real, established and firm and set in the foundations of Christ. We also have the power to make his life wonderful, one of blessings and we are able to make his dreams of family life become reality. The other side of the coin is that with all of this ability comes (just as strong) our ability to tear his world apart. With every ounce of dissatisfaction that we take a hold of, our husbands become victim to the consequences. For example, rather than telling our husbands that it would make our lives a whole lot easier if he could help out by simply putting his clothes in the basket when he goes to bed, we get annoyed and don't say a word. Eventually we find ourselves getting annoyed even more at the silliest things. Our husbands ask us all the time, ' is something wrong?' and we, in frustration, think, 'you should know, I've asked you a thousand times', however our answer to him is, ' no honey, I'm fine'. Yet we treat them like we don't want to talk about anything with them, we treat them like dirt. All because of something that we could have done ourselves in less than two seconds. Hence, to tear down your own home with your own hands. To sit there and think that our husbands have no idea is stupid, they know there's something wrong when you're mad at them, they know that they will have a much better evening if they go somewhere else! How's that for a man's home - I can't go home, my wife is in one of her moods and I don't even know what I did!"

This is where you meet yourself, the contentious woman.

"Wisdom, what we all so badly want to achieve and walk in. Wisdom alongside understanding. Wouldn't that be wonderful? Well, here is truth: wisdom comes with experience. Not with the knowledge that your sister went through this and you were there so you know what it feels like. Not with the knowledge of what this certain thing means, but with experience. You cannot give out wisdom as though you were a personal ATM machine, available to everyone who comes whenever. You cannot share wisdom on a subject you have seen someone else go through. If you will take a good, honest look at it, the only wisdom you will ever be able to give will be from the experiences YOU PERSONALLY have overcome and dealt with through Christ. Not the things that you are going through right now at this very minute, but when you have been through it and OVERCOME it, then and only then will the Lord add more wisdom on that subject. One of the biggest examples of wisdom is being able to humble yourself and say "I don't have the answer" to someone who comes to you and you truly don't have anything to share on the subject. Some people think wisdom is understanding. Here is the difference between wisdom and understanding: wisdom, comes through experience, you can build on it as you go through different circumstances in your life. Understanding is the ability to separate the circumstance from what you or someone else is feeling, and to focus instead on what is happening in the spirit. It is being able to look at the bigger picture and to realize how to achieve the goal."

"If we can achieve a life of wisdom and understanding and live in it daily relying on Christ to impart Himself to us, if we can walk in the Lord all the time and bring ourselves into submission to Him, the Lord will show us how to build our home or rebuild our home."

BUILDETH Ruth 4:11
And all the people that were in the gate, and the elders, said, we are witnesses. The Lord make the woman that is come into thine house like Rachel and Leah, which two did build the house of Israel; and do thou worthily in Ephratah, and be famous in Bethlehem.

"Rachel and Leah were used in the elders blessing on Boab's life because they built their houses and their husbands were blessed with an established house because Rachel and Leah maintained their love and obedience towards God and their husbands. They were not foolish, nor selfish, nor rebellious - they were not contentious, and the proof of this is that the Lord built the ENTIRE house of Israel from them. How beautiful is that?! Now, see what the Lord blesses us with when we live our lives according to His ways."

Psalm 127:3
Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb are His reward.

"Everyone says children are a blessing from the Lord. Have you ever looked it up and really studied on it? Because although everyone says it, nobody knows where it comes from. It's all in the Word, right there in black and white, simple and straightforward. Children are a REWARD, a reward that is given in accordance to your relationship with your husband and the Lord."

Son, child, boy, young one; grandson, grandchild, descendant, member of a group, pupil, subject, disciple, favorite. It is believed that this word comes from banah 1129 - to build. Ben specifies an intimate relationship. Sons were blessed by their fathers or cursed. Firstborn males were dedicated to the Lord. Ben is basically a reference to the male offspring of human parents, though not exclusively. In general, it is used for children and descendants.

HERITAGE 5159 Nachalah from 5157
Basic translation- inheritance. i.e..: A possession to which one has legal claim. Means a possession, property, something inherited, an heirloom, an estate, a portion, occupancy. In Psalm 127:3 it refers to a possession granted by Jehovah, as a GIFT from Him.

5157 Nachal
To seize, take into possession, get, to inherit, to give in possession or inheritance, be made to possess, possess for oneself, to distribute, to allot. Means giving or receiving property which is part of a permanent possession and as a result of succession. "The act or process of becoming entitled as a legal beneficiary to the property, an inheritance." - for example, the Lord gives us salvation, our children are heirs to it… and so on.

1129 Banah a primary root
To build (literally or figuratively) - begin to build, build, builder, "obtain children", make, repair, set up, surely.

Psalm 128:3
Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.

"In all of this it stands out that we, THE WOMEN, are the builders of our own homes and the builders of our husbands' homes. Which means, if we are walking right with the Lord our husbands will receive the blessings of God to make their homes better. In turn, if we are not walking with the Lord, our husbands will receive the consequences of our sin. Once again, we are responsible for all the things that go wrong in our husbands' lives, all because of our choices to serve God, or to serve ourselves."

Back to Proverbs 14:1

HOUSE 1004 bayith probably from 1129
A house (in the greatest of variations of applications) especially family, etc: court, daughter, door, dungeon, family + forth of, great as, would contain, hangings, home (born), (winter) house, household, palace, place, + prison, + steward, + tablet, temple, web, + within, without.

"To see the words, 'dungeon, prison and web' in this description is sadly true. When you think of a dungeon or a prison, you think of depression, confusion. Imagine a dark room, gray stone walls. There is a door out but it is locked and the only way to see out is through strong steel bars. You touch your hand to the wall and you pull it back to look at it and your fingers are wet. You smell it and the odor is awful but you can't quite tell what it is. You don't know what you did to get here, but yet here you are, imprisoned against your will, with no knowledge of what you did. Daily you are tormented by the jail-keepers outside. You can't quite hear what is being shouted, but you feel it is directed toward you and you wish you could do something, say something just to make their accusations go away, just for a moment of peace. But you can't. Why? Because nobody bothered to tell you your crime. When you think of a web you think of deceit, lying and sexual immorality. Here's the thing that people tend to try to put aside. A TRAP. How many times have you sat at home all day being mad at your husband because you both made plans to do something for the day and all of a sudden he had to go somewhere and you didn't see him till dark. So you sit there all day festering and being mad at him. By the time he's home, you are so upset and when he asks you what's wrong, you've got him cornered. That's it, he opened the door. You have every right to let him know how much he's let you down. And what's your excuse? Well, hey, he asked, right? And I can't just lie to him and tell him I'm okay, that isn't what the Lord says to do! Well, you've already spent the entire day trying to figure out what are the perfect things to say that he won't have any excuse to get out of it. Besides, if you say the right words you will at least get your point across and never mind that he felt it was more important than staying home with you, the plans were already made! Whether you have said it out loud or not, you have already set his trap. To the Lord, that's all that counts. You have laid a trap for His son as though he were a fierce enemy at war with you and he was innocent. Take a good look over the description of the prison cell. You thought it was you in that cell. No, you are the jail keeper, who holds the key to your husband's barred door. Believe it, your husband is trapped in a cell every time he walks through the door to find an upset wife who won't talk to him, who won't share what the REAL issue is, who wants him to be a better husband, but won't tell him how. This is your husband's home, and yes, he feels every dart you throw at him when he walks in. Is this not true?"

PLUCKETH DOWN 2040 harac a primary root
Pull down, or in pieces, break, destroy, over throw, pluck down, pull down, ruin, throw down, utterly

"How many times has your husband bought you a gift home and you thank him for it, but in your mind you have thought to yourself, ' well, what am I going to do with this? Why couldn't he have bought me something I actually want? Wasn't he listening when I said I really liked this, or I really want that?' How many times has he worked all day long outside and whenever you looked out the window he was just sitting down with the guys talking, when he came inside you were ready to just go mad because the children drove you nuts, and when he asked for his dinner you got even more upset. So you went ahead and made dinner but thought to yourself, 'why can't HE do this, it's not like he's been busy all day!' That is what's happening up there in our minds, is it not? Where we are home all day with the children, keeping the house clean, doing laundry, cooking dinner. He's at a job that (from where you're standing) looks so easy, seems so simple and not hard at all. Eventually, you're going to show your frustration even more in the way you talk to him, look at him, treat him. The more you entertain your thoughts, the more it's going to show and that's going to make him feel even less of a man and even less happy to come home. That is not a home to go to, because it certainly isn't a refuge for him! He'll feel even more welcome out there in the world with his buddies who understand him than at home. Believe it, there are enough women out there who treat your husband's friends like dirt, the last thing your husband needs is to know that you are just as bad as his friend's wives. What then can we say makes our husbands lives stand out much more than those in the world?"

HANDS 3027 yad a primary word
Hand, power, strength, assistance, axle, tenon, side, part, place, time, times, monument. It is the physical hand which may do good or evil. Sometimes symbolizes power or strength. Often has connotations of possession, or submission. Can be symbolic for contempt.

To deliver something into someone's hands means to delegate authority, responsibility, care or dominion. "So many women seek for power, yet here it is already in our grasp and we can't even use it right. Why on earth would the Lord delegate power to us in any other area?!"

To stretch out the hand means to attack or yearn for the Lord. "Which one do we use more frequently?"

To put your hand to something expresses work.

Strengthening the hands means to help and encourage someone. "Honestly looking at it, can we say we do that for our husbands often? NO!"

A high hand is obstinate rebellion, but CAN mean a mighty deliverance from God. "Which one are we using?"

Shaking of the hand symbolized God's warning and destruction of judgment. "WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF WE DON'T GET IT TOGETHER!"

Laying hands on someone could mean killing, ritual ceremony of blessing, ordination, symbolic act designed to transfer sins from man to animal (animal sacrifice).

And uplifted hand described prayer toward the sanctuary, a public blessing or taking an oath.

Washing the hands was symbolic of absolving self from guilt.

To open the hand was to give to another, while to shut the hand is to withhold gifts.

Withdrawing the hand means to give up.

Self restraint or silence is to COVER THE MOUTH WITH OWN HAND.

"It may seem strange to you that self restraint and silence are included in these actions of the hand. However, this is just as important as the other actions. As much as we hate to admit it, our mouths tend to get us into trouble more often than anything else the Lord convicts us for. That is because we are so emotional, and when our emotions take hold of us, we say what we feel, regardless of whether we are saying the right thing or not. Take a good look at all the times you have repented for something, (if you have even truly repented). Is it not true that we have apologized because we wrongfully accused, judged, and hurt someone? When we do this, we break people's hearts, break the bonds of trust between us and our victim. When we do this we tear down the bridges that bind us and our husbands together and instead our husbands build a brick wall in its place. All of this being outlined, how much blessing has come to your home at your own hands? How much can come if you use your hands in the right way? In turn, how many brick walls are you willing to build in your home? The brick walls will not make your home firmly established, they will block off doors to rooms and windows which let the light in. What I'm saying is, if we allow ourselves the opportunities to say whatever we want, whenever we want, no matter who it hurts, our husbands AND our children will look at you and build a brick wall so that you cannot get close to them. They will start to shield parts of their lives so that you can't have anything to do with them. They will also build brick walls between themselves and God, because you will be seen as a hateful person and why would they be thanking God for a person like you? I plead you, cover your mouth more often than you would speak, for in doing so you will discover what it is to discern the spirit and understand the Lord. In doing so, your family will see you as someone who is not quick to anger, who listens, who at least tries to understand them and have patience."

Here are some scriptures in reference to a foolish woman who tears down her house with her own hands.

Proverbs 11:22
As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.

DISCRETION 2940 ta-am
Taste, flavor, feeling, understanding, judgment, royal decree. The Hebrew Bin (994) emphasizes understanding as well as decision making. It is more comprehensive and includes perception through all the senses, not merely taste. Another Hebrew Synonym, nakhar (5234) stresses recognition and acknowledgement. This word has the sense of discretion and discernment through experience. After a judgment has been made and formalized, it is a decree.

Bin 995
To discern, to perceive, observe, pay attention to, understand, to be intelligent, knowing, to heed, to make intelligent, to instruct, teach, to attend to, to be sensible. Other renderings are, regard, deal wisely, direct, prudent, discreet, eloquent, skillful, cunning, considerate and wise. The primary meaning is understanding or insight. Discernment is a closely related idea. Indicates the concept of distinguishing between good and evil.

"Here's the part we need to remember."

Discernment does NOT refer to the mere accumulation of data, but superior knowledge. One must know how to use information wisely. 

"Let's touch on this subject a little. When someone comes to you with a problem they are having, a lot of the time you give them what you 'think or feel' is happening. You think to yourself, what does the Bible have to say about this? So you pass out a few scriptures and send them on their way once they've cried on your shoulder a little and they feel better. This is NOT discernment. And counseling? Here is what counseling is; it is the ability to hear the problem, and regardless of being drawn by emotion to feel sympathy for that person, we rely on the Holy Spirit to show us what sin this person is involved in, and what they need to get out of it. Counseling does not have to involve this person crying their way through it. It does not always involve telling them it's going to be okay. More often than not, it involves listening, revealing the sin and showing them what needs to be done to overcome their sin. We use scripture in counseling, not only for the person we share it with, but for ourselves also, that we can KNOW what is godly and ungodly. It is through the Spirit that we discern. Not through what we know. Do you understand? Without the Holy Spirit, there is no discernment. The Holy Spirit gives us discernment that we will see past our emotions and look at what is happening in the person's spirit, that we will know when to listen, when to shut our mouths, what to say, when to say it and HOW. I emphasize on the word 'how' because so many people make the mistake of saying things gently in counseling, because they are afraid to say it harshly. So many times people do this and what the person really needed was for them to just say it outright, no buts about it, 'this is what's happening and you need to deal with it and get over yourself'. When we do everything else right and the Spirit tells us to yell rebuke, if we don't do it, you might as well throw your hands up in the air and tell that person you're sorry, but this is going nowhere. When you don't do what the Spirit tells you, every time He tells you, everything is gone to waste, because the person will not change. Here is your warning, if you do not counsel with the Spirit as the Spirit would have you do it, that person is in danger of hell AT YOUR HANDS, because you refused to do it the Lord's way."

We can perceive through our senses, i.e.: Job 6:30, Psalm 58:9, Proverbs 7:7, Proverbs 29:19.

It is possible to hear without perceiving, i.e.: Matt 13:13, Proverbs 29:7, Daniel 12:8.

Moral understanding can be a gift from God, i.e.: Daniel 1:17.

We can pray for it, i.e.: Psalm 119:34.

God can choose to reveal it or not, i.e.: Isaiah 29:14

The seat for this insight is the heart, i.e.: Proverbs 28:5

We must diligently pursue all of these things. It is our responsibility to pursue these things, if we don't our lives and our husbands' lives will be shattered.

A virtuous woman is as a crown to her husband, but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.

VIRTUOUS 2428 Chayil comes from 2342 and related as another masculine form of 2426
Means might, strength, power, able, valiant, virtuous, valor, army, host, forces, riches, substance, wealth.

CHUL or CHIL 2342
To turn in a circle, whirl, twist, revolve, to writhe, to be in labor (of childbirth), to bear a child, be born, to be afraid, tremble, to reel, to wait, to hope, to rage, to assault, to be strong, be pithy, to produce, to cause to bring forth, to cause to tremble, to shake, to wait anxiously, to be grieved, there are two main ideas to this verb 10 spinning 20 twisting in labor pangs.

CHEYL or CHEL 2426 related to Cheyil 2428 originates from chul or chil 2342
Means power, strength, valor, military force or army, wealth, virtue, honesty.

"Have you noticed the different meanings to this word virtuous? Where it comes from? It is marvelous that it would be related to labor pangs and spinning. Here is what it means. Being a woman of virtue does not mean that it comes as soon as you decide you are going to change your sin. You have to do the work! And we all know how hard we have to work to get to something. Just as we have to work to make ends meet in the home, we have to work, toil, get ourselves some battle scars, fight fiercely to find virtue. It means that just as hard as we labored to give birth to our children, we MUST labor to become virtuous. Then and only then, when we have worked hard to gain it, will the Lord give us the power, strength, valor to make our homes livable. For nobody could stand to live in a place full of bitterness, frustration and anger, a place so uninviting and unwelcome."

To be ashamed, to feel ashamed, to be confounded, to be disappointed, to make ashamed, to keep waiting, to deceive, to act shamefully, to disgrace. This is a root meaning "to become pale" or "to blush". When failure or sin occurs, there is a disconcerting feeling, a flushing of the face. The word often occurs in contexts of humiliation and shattered human emotions. It is the feeling of public disgrace. Bush is the confusion, embarrassment, or dismay when things do not go as expected. The idea of shame of an utter defeat pervade the mood.

Disillusionment and a broken spirit follow: Ezra 9:6, Isaiah 1:29, Isaiah 30:5, Jeremiah 2:36, 9:10.

The opposite meaning is trusting God: Isaiah 29:22, Joel 2:26-27, Zephaniah 3:11.

There is a strong condition or consequence of guilt: Jeremiah 6:15, Ezekiel 16:63.

ROTTENNESS IN HIS BONES 6106 Etsem comes from 6105
It means bone in the sense of strong and firm, Genesis 2:23, Exodus 12:46, Numbers 9:12
Body frame, a bodily frame Lamentations 4:7
Substance Exodus 24:10

Essence, self; the same. Often used of the bones of the dead. The well known expression "bone and flesh" was descriptive of a close genetic relationship. Often used to refer to the corpse. Jeremiah spoke of God's message as a burning fire shut up in his bones. Jeremiah 20:9 A parallel to his heart.

6105 atsam a primary root; to bind fast, i.e.- close the eyes. To be (make) powerful or numerous, to crunch the bones:- break the bones, close, to be great, be increased, be (wax) mighty (ier), be more, shut, be (-come, make), strong (-er)

"Can you imagine breaking a man's bones? Well, imagine if the skin was completely peeled away so that all you could see was the broken bones. No splint, no bandage, nothing to graft it back together again. Can you imagine how terribly awful the wound would get over time, how smelly the stench would be? Now, exchange the word 'bones' with 'heart', and here you have the effect of our sin on our husband. Not a nice way to put it, but surely THAT can bring into perspective how much of an impact a woman can have on her husband."

Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therewith.

LOVE 160 Ahavah
Love, beloved. "Love covers all transgressions" (Proverbs 10:12)

LOVE COVERS SIN Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covers all sins.

If you look at the word hatred and study it, you will find there are multitudes of ways to hate. Ways that none of us have even seen as hate.

HATRED 8135 comes from 8130
Means hatred or enmity

8130 Sane; To hate.

Whether people (Deuteronomy 22:13, 2 Samuel 13:15, 22, Psalm 5:5; 31:6)
Or things (Psalm 11:5, Proverbs 1:22, Isaiah 1:14)
To hate violently; to be odious, be hated; to be hateful; to be alienated (Ezekiel 23:28)
To become unloving (Deuteronomy 22:16)
To be untrustworthy (Genesis 26:27)
To show a negative preference (Genesis 29:31, Deuteronomy 21:15, Proverbs 30:23)
A hater, an enemy a foe.
The use of this word ranges from intense hatred to simple opposition of persons or things (ideas, words, inanimate objects).
Compare the hatred Joseph's brothers felt for him in Genesis 37:4-5; 8)
Sane expresses the ill-will and aversion between a husband and a wife (Genesis 29:31, 33)
By a parent for his son (Proverbs 13:24)
Among neighbors (Deuteronomy 19:11)
Among poor people (Proverbs 19:7)
And among nations (Isaiah 66:5)
It is the desire to have no contact or relationship with another, the opposite of love. LOVE UNITES AND HATE SEPARATES.
God hates idolatry (Deuteronomy 16:22)
And hypocrisy (Amos 5:15, Zechariah 8:17)
Sometimes men even hate God (Exodus 20:5, Deuteronomy 5:9, 2 Chronicles 19:2)

Living in opposition against each other
The more we decide to disagree and argue and try to get the upper hand on something and try to get in the last word, the easier it is to hate. The more our hatred grows for someone else, the more our hatred grows for other people. Normally the next person to hate is our husband and our children.

Avoid entertaining thoughts of selfishness
Selfishness can very quickly turn to hatred, hatred for our husband, hatred for our children and everyone else around us. You may think selfishness is nowhere near as bad as hatred, it's okay to indulge ourselves every now and again. Listen closely, the minute you set someone else's needs aside, the minute you put yourself first when you KNOW someone else needs your help or your time, you are walking IN hatred. When you indulge yourself in selfishness you begin to expect others to allow you to do so. When others don't allow you to do it, you then become angry and when they stand their ground you get even madder at them. When you don't repent of your sin, you start to look at them as selfish people who don't care about you, instead of "they or them" it is "I, I, I, ME, ME, ME". When you get to that point you are not walking in love, you are walking in hate. In fact the minute you step into selfishness, you are stepping into hatred. There is the fact, GOD IS LOVE, look at it closely. If God is love, how is it that you can be selfish and still say you are loving? There is no scripture in the Word that says God is selfish. If you are selfish, you oppose God, if you hate, you hate God, how can there be love if there is only room for yourself? Here is something to think about. Every single sin you commit involves more than just giving in to your urges to satisfy your flesh. To sin, you have to TURN AWAY FROM GOD. If your eyes are constantly, all the time, every second of every minute of every day, on God, you cannot sin. That's saying something isn't it. To turn away from God is to MAKE THE CHOICE within your self to go against Him. Now do you see just how important this is? Selfishness is no different to hatred, murder, idolatry or any other sin. They all involve turning away from God, making that choice to raise your fists up and shake them in the air at God, and yelling at him "hey God, I'm going to do whatever I want to, I don't care what You have to say!"

Showing negative preference
Who's your best friend? Which of your sisters or brothers are your most trusted, the closest to you? Which of your children are you most proud of? Here is what we call preference. This describes showing favoritism towards certain people over others. This includes children. There are four children in our family. They are all beautiful, very polite and well mannered children. However, sometimes they can be mischievous and as all children do, they misbehave too. There is one thing the Lord has taught us mothers, and through hardship we have had to learn it. You may love your child, and there is nothing wrong with that, but it does not give you the right to make any one of the other children feel any less important to you than your own child. When two of the children are involved in a fight, there is no excuse to expect the other child to get into trouble and to allow your own child to get a soft pat on the bottom. We deal with our own children the same way we deal with another's child. This is not something that we ourselves expect, this is what GOD expects. We do not let our children get away with things they have done wrong, because we love them.

Showing negative preference is seen in a wide variety of circumstances. For the longest time the Lord has tried and tried to teach us to put away our own desires for a person to trust in, a person to confide in. You know, that one person who has never let us down, can always be there when nobody else will listen or understand.

Let me tell you about what negative preference can do to a ministry or a family. There are four women. Two sisters, born and raised in the same family. Another woman from another country, around the same age group, and another, much older and also from another country. Each woman became a part of the same ministry, where all other members were men, save the pastor's wife, who was the woman each of the others wanted to become like. Each woman wanted their own person to befriend, and trust, someone they could draw close to and build a strong relationship with. While the two sisters had no problem sharing with each other, there was nothing that needed to be hidden if there was a confession and repentance, both knew that no matter what they did the other loved them enough to forgive. Meanwhile, the other younger woman however hard she tried, could not get close to either of the sisters, because they would shut themselves off from her. Whenever she did have something to share and repent for, the other two women would listen to her, and although they treated her as though she was forgiven, two days later they would judge her and talk about her behind her back. The older woman was there for each of the others, always willing to sit down and listen, give some wisdom to them and sometimes show them how to deal with their sin. However, whenever she needed to sit and share with someone, she was treated by the younger women as though she should have known better. Each ridiculed the others when alone, though there was love at a time of sharing, there was more judgment and self righteousness in the hearts of the confidante. Four years later, the same problem was there, all of the women would go to each other and share, working out their own salvation and confessing their sins one to another, however, as time had gone by there was more hatred than love, there was no real feeling of trust between any of them. Each would go to the pastor's wife declaring they needed wisdom on a problem between them and another sister, yet in their hearts they were going to her to tell her all the wrongs another had done to them so that she would take pity on them. The pastor's wife was always grieved at what was happening in the ministry only wanting a day where there was full peace and harmony between all of the women. One day, there was a big falling out between two of the sisters, all of the women were called together. And what was supposed to be a full and complete repentance and turning away from sin, became an all out ganging up on one of the women. There was much grieving and deep hurt, and though, praise God this one woman was patient and willing to forgive, words could not describe how much the Lord was hurt to see his children turn on each other. This is what negative preference does to people, to a family, and to a ministry. Not only did these women cause great division in the house of God, but they used their manipulation to draw others in the ministry into their sin, including their headship. How much do you think it would take before the Lord finally declares He is finished with you, because you would not allow the love of God to be used through you toward EVERYONE around you, rather than your one true friend? There are no favorites with God, He is love, and if you cannot love all people the same, you cannot know God.

Being obstinate and stubborn about getting your way
This is purely out of rebellion, pride, selfishness and arrogance. It is when your husband says you need to do this and you sit there and mope and cry and mumble because you just plain don't want to. It is when your husband says hey, let's go out together for a drive, and you sit there in your seat moping all that time because you would rather get out of the car and walk or look at the shops and he doesn't want to. It is when you want to get your way and you will stamp your feet and push and poke and screw your face up and scream if you have to, but however you need to you will get your way. It is hatred in a selfish way where you tell yourself; ' screw everyone else, we're doing it my way today.'

REMEMBER that your hatred has an effect on others
Putting it very plainly, here's the bottom line: The more you love, the more you are loved and are treated with love. The more you hate, the less people including your husband want to be around you. The more you hate… the more YOU are hated.

Back to Proverbs 15:17
Every (normal) man would prefer a good home-cooked meal with a nice big piece of steak, some gravy, some mashed potatoes and some veggies on the side. But every and any man would prefer going to a poor man's house, where he knows he is loved and admired and worth something to them, for a lettuce and tomato salad without salt or dressing for dinner, than to come home to his hateful, bitter, stubborn and selfish wife who has more to say about things he could do better, things he should be doing but isn't, and complains about the people next door. He would rather go there than come home to someone who is full of hate. How would that make you feel, to know your husband finds a poor man's home more welcome than your own? It kind of defeats the purpose of making sure your husband has a clean place to come home to, if you're still bitter at him and he doesn't want to be around you.

"What a man wants is to know without a doubt, that if he gets sick, his wife is going to drop everything to make sure that he gets better and on the road to recovery she is going to make it as smooth as possible, no matter how tired she gets. What he wants to know is that you care, and you care with all of your heart and not just with your 'lips'. He wants to know that you think he is the most brilliant man on earth, he is the most handsome, most strong, most amazing person to you. He wants to know that he can share everything and anything with you without having to worry about whether you are going to hate him or think he is less of a man. A husband doesn't need correction, complaint and gossip. All he needs is love. Humble love. Not the "oh honey, come here, it's okay, I'll make you feel better" love, but the "my love, you're home, I'm so glad you're here to make my day better!", love. It is the kind of love that shows how much you admire and adore him, it shows him that he is a man. There is a time for giving your husband a mother's love as a wife - but that's for when he's sick and needs the comfort. Otherwise, he has a mother. A woman who belittles her husband does not admire him. A woman who constantly complains about the day and other people is not asking him to be the minister and teacher of her life, she is taking out the garbage and pouring it into his lap. On top of all that he has to deal with, the battle to stay in the Spirit when he is out in the midst of the world, working and doing what he needs to do, he has to come home to look at a bunch of meaningless issues formed of misunderstanding and sin on our part. That's what is 'really' happening. Is that what you would call love? If it is not love, there's only one other option, HATE."

To become unloving
When you have entertained hate you begin to look and focus more on the bad side of things. One frustration with your husband quickly turns into many frustrations. This is where the stereotype: "ugh, I just hate the way he never puts the cap on the toothpaste" comes in. To us it sounds like the most stupid thing to end a marriage over, and it is true. But the really sad thing is that just as that stereotype is stupid, so are all of the petty things we get frustrated over. Take a good look over the amount of weeks you have spent getting mad at someone because they don't fold their clothes when they do the laundry, or they don't do something a certain way. If you take away all of the justifications you have for your frustrations, what do you have? Stupidity and a simple solution - do it yourself in five minutes. Did it ever occur to you that they might have a simple and justified reason for not doing it that way? And even if they didn't, is it really worth the problems you gain from it? When you let one small and petty frustration come in, believe it, you will begin to see everything that person does in a bad light. When it gets to that point, you begin to treat them like they are a frustration and they begin to feel like it. When you get to that point, you stop caring so much about your own sin, because to you, their problems are worse. So you begin to treat them with less care and attention. Hence to become unloving. Whether you say it out loud or think it. Rather than saying "I love you" you begin to say, "ugh, get out of my face, I don't want to have anything to do with you right now!" Hence, hatred.

To be untrustworthy
When somebody doesn't want to share their problems with you, there is a problem. When somebody doesn't want to be around you when they are feeling down, there is a problem. When someone would rather sit alone and cry than come to you for a hug, there is a problem. Like it or not, if your husband would rather go to his parents or someone other than you to talk over their problems, YOU are not trustworthy. A person who wants to be trusted must be able to tell other people "it's not for me to share." A wife who wants to be trusted must be able to assure her husband that she will not share it with anyone else no matter who is asking. And her husband must be able to believe it. A wife who tells everyone the silly and embarrassing things that happened to her husband the other day, just because it was funny, is not very trustworthy. How do others see your husband when you talk about him? Do they laugh at him? Do they say, "oh man, what an idiot!", do they say he's not that brilliant. Do others see him as insensitive, uncaring, lazy, selfish? How others will look at a woman's husband is up to the wife. It is the wife who has the mouth, which cannot be quiet, and so it is the wife who shares things about her husband that others do not know. It certainly isn't the husband! So, how often do you praise your husband in your circle of friends and family? Or what is more often the case, how often do you go to your friends and family about problems having to do with something your husband is doing? Look at the way you handle things when someone, anyone comes to you with something. Do you go home and tell your husband every single detail? Keeping in mind what your heart attitude is at the time, "is it gossip, or are you sincerely asking for his insight on what you need to do?" If you go to your husband with every single detail of someone else's problem, can you then say that he trusts you? I think not! And he has every right not to. You see, with your mouth alone, you have the ability to tear his world apart, you have the ability to tear your entire home apart. And more likely it is to tear your home down, than to build it.

Look up these scriptures and study them:
PROVERBS 27:15-16

My dear sisters, do not be discouraged at this study, it is more good than bad. After all, if we are to change sin, we must first reveal the sin that is there and find out what we are dealing with. It is after we have revealed our sin that we can turn away from it and change, so that we can walk in a new way, in the way the Lord would have us walk. And He will show us how. But wait upon the Lord and see what He will do! If you are brave enough to acknowledge and face your sin, the Lord will show you how to overcome it! So be encouraged!

Please feel free to contact us with any questions about this article.

Everyone must die sometime.
" is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment..." Hebrews 9:27

What will happen to you?
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