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Married To A Pedophile - A Response

This letter is only one of the many that we have received on the subject of pedophilia and being the spouse of a pedophile and child molester. We praise God for this woman as she chose to deal with the truth of her situation and stop living a life of denial concerning her "good, upstanding" husband. This reply is posted in the hope that it will give others in the same situation the strength to deal with their own nightmare.

We have found over the thirty years that we have been dealing with this subject that the number of men and women who have been raped, beaten and molested physically or emotionally drained, abused and violated by voyeurism or child rape and sex in their own family is far higher than we would have ever wanted to believe. Sadly, we have also NEVER found a case where any pedophile or serial killer that we have had the misfortune of meeting or dealing with has had a genuine desire to change or be set totally free by Jesus' blood.

If you are in or know someone who is in a similar situation, we encourage you to get in contact with us.

The staff of Into the Light Ministries

I just wanted to thank you for the letter/article on "Married to a Pedophile". I too was married to a pedophile. After 15 years I finally found the answer to a lot of questions of incidents that just didn't seem right. But each time I kept thinking no, it couldn't be him. He's a godly man. Completely devoted to helping children. He was a youth pastor, coach, Sunday school teacher and he was always helping teens "find" Jesus. Teen's were always calling him and loved being around him. So I figured it had to be my imagination and when I confronted him about a few incidents he was offended and confirmed my conclusion that yes it was my imagination and after a few years of that he kept telling me that I needed to get help. That I was suffering from Manic depression and the problems that I had growing up since I wasn't very close to my dad. That I was taking it all out on him and how unfair I was being.

I think God knew I could only handle a little bit at a time. I often wonder if God was slowly preparing me for my world to fall apart. When my youngest was born my now ex-husband came to me and told me he had an addiction to pornography and that he wanted out and wanted my help. So of course I was there for him going through counseling, being his accountability partner, and support person through it all. But unfortunately there was no one for me to talk too.

You see I was so naive that I thought he only had "eyes" for me because he was godly man, right? Never again will I be so trusting. After 6 months of this we were seemingly getting better and back on track. We were going away for a weekend with the kids and staying at a relative's house. It was supposed to be a vacation. He decided to take along one of the kids he befriended on his HS soccer team he was coaching. Well to make a long story short in the middle of the night I woke up by myself seeing a flashlight shining in the living room where the teenage (16yrs old) was sleeping. I had a pit in my stomach I was afraid of what I'd see. As I peaked around the corner I saw my ex standing over this boy who was laying in his underwear shining his flashlight just looking at his underwear. If I hadn't have seen it myself I think I'd still be in denial. Well that was the beginning of my nightmare. After several months of promises to get help and the denial that he had a problem; my brother finally convinced me that what I saw was real and was wrong. My ex had me convinced that I couldn't trust my own thinking. That what he was doing was okay because the boys were really asleep so they didn't' know it was happening to them. And I believed him! Isn't that sick! My ex was very good at hiding this. Picking the right kids and spent a lot of time and money grooming them so as to this day only a handful of them have come forward, but none that have enough evidence to put him away. Only assault charges. The few that I got my ex to admit too only remember him standing over them. The police were involved, but at this point the case is still opened.

My ex is now dating a woman who has two small children. One is 12 and the other is 2 yrs. I'm really concerned and scared for these children but how can I tell her? She wont' believe me. All I can do is pray that someone will tell her. I did learn from one book I read to tell people, a lot of people. That, that was the only way to protect other children. My ex seems to know his limits and where to stop so he won't get caught, but someday he'll slip, right? He's gone to counseling for aprox. 2 years once a week for being a sex addict. I visited too, with the counselor and told him everything and of course the counselor told me not to worry that he was okay now and that my children weren't in any danger of being molested. But that goes against everything I had read about pedophiles.

It's been 6 years now since our divorce. I went back to school and got my 2 yr degree, a new job, a house, a new car. I was trying so hard to focus on other things so I could get away from the pain. My oldest daughter, she's 19 still hates me for divorcing her dad. She doesn't believe any of it and even if it did happen her dad is really sorry he cried a lot about it and asked for forgiveness. I feel like I forgave him for betraying me, but now that I think of it that is the easy part of forgiving him. What I can't forgive him for is molesting the other children. At one time when he was confronted by a pastor about it he started speaking these weird words like he was possessed or speaking in tongues. Was that an act? I wish I could know. I would like to be able to help other women who are going through this. My life is finally turned around. But I'm still waiting for him to screw up and have someone else turn him in. The thought of him hurting another child is unbearable.

Well thank you for letting me share my story. There does not seem to be much help out there for the spouse of a molester. At that time when I was looking I only found 1 book. She wasn't a Christian. I'd really like to help other woman and children get through this pain. I remember not being able to get out of bed in the morning because the pain was so awful. I feel like I should use this for helping others. Thanks again for having this article here for me to find.

His Servant;
(Name omitted)

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