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Married To A Pedophile - A Response
This letter is only one of the many that we have received on
the subject of pedophilia and being the spouse of a pedophile and child
molester. We praise God for this woman as she chose to deal with the truth of
her situation and stop living a life of denial concerning her "good, upstanding"
husband. This reply is posted in the hope that it will give others in the same
situation the strength to deal with their own nightmare.
We have found over the thirty years that we have been dealing with this
subject that the number of men and women who have been raped, beaten and
molested physically or emotionally drained, abused and violated by voyeurism or
child rape and sex in their own family is far higher than we would have ever
wanted to believe. Sadly, we have also NEVER found a case where any pedophile or
serial killer that we have had the misfortune of meeting or dealing with has had
a genuine desire to change or be set totally free by Jesus' blood.
If you are in or know someone who is in a similar situation, we encourage you
to get in contact with us.
The staff of Into the Light Ministries |
I just wanted to thank you for the
letter/article on "Married to a Pedophile". I too was married to a pedophile.
After 15 years I finally found the answer to a lot of questions of incidents
that just didn't seem right. But each time I kept thinking no, it couldn't be
him. He's a godly man. Completely devoted to helping children. He was a youth
pastor, coach, Sunday school teacher and he was always helping teens "find"
Jesus. Teen's were always calling him and loved being around him. So I figured
it had to be my imagination and when I confronted him about a few incidents he
was offended and confirmed my conclusion that yes it was my imagination and
after a few years of that he kept telling me that I needed to get help. That I
was suffering from Manic depression and the problems that I had growing up since
I wasn't very close to my dad. That I was taking it all out on him and how
unfair I was being.
I think God knew I could only handle a little bit at a time. I often wonder if
God was slowly preparing me for my world to fall apart. When my youngest was
born my now ex-husband came to me and told me he had an addiction to pornography
and that he wanted out and wanted my help. So of course I was there for him
going through counseling, being his accountability partner, and support person
through it all. But unfortunately there was no one for me to talk too.
You see I was so naive that I thought
he only had "eyes" for me because he was godly man, right? Never again will I be
so trusting. After 6 months of this we were seemingly getting better and back on
track. We were going away for a weekend with the kids and staying at a
relative's house. It was supposed to be a vacation. He decided to take along one
of the kids he befriended on his HS soccer team he was coaching. Well to make a
long story short in the middle of the night I woke up by myself seeing a
flashlight shining in the living room where the teenage (16yrs old) was
sleeping. I had a pit in my stomach I was afraid of what I'd see. As I peaked
around the corner I saw my ex standing over this boy who was laying in his
underwear shining his flashlight just looking at his underwear. If I hadn't have
seen it myself I think I'd still be in denial. Well that was the beginning of my
nightmare. After several months of promises to get help and the denial that he
had a problem; my brother finally convinced me that what I saw was real and was
wrong. My ex had me convinced that I couldn't trust my own thinking. That what
he was doing was okay because the boys were really asleep so they didn't' know
it was happening to them. And I believed him! Isn't that sick! My ex was very
good at hiding this. Picking the right kids and spent a lot of time and money
grooming them so as to this day only a handful of them have come forward, but
none that have enough evidence to put him away. Only assault charges. The few
that I got my ex to admit too only remember him standing over them. The police
were involved, but at this point the case is still opened.
My ex is now dating a woman who has two small children. One is 12 and the other
is 2 yrs. I'm really concerned and scared for these children but how can I tell
her? She wont' believe me. All I can do is pray that someone will tell her. I
did learn from one book I read to tell people, a lot of people. That, that was
the only way to protect other children. My ex seems to know his limits and where
to stop so he won't get caught, but someday he'll slip, right? He's gone to
counseling for aprox. 2 years once a week for being a sex addict. I visited too,
with the counselor and told him everything and of course the counselor told me
not to worry that he was okay now and that my children weren't in any danger of
being molested. But that goes against everything I had read about pedophiles.
It's been 6 years now since our divorce. I went back to school and got my 2 yr
degree, a new job, a house, a new car. I was trying so hard to focus on other
things so I could get away from the pain. My oldest daughter, she's 19 still
hates me for divorcing her dad. She doesn't believe any of it and even if it did
happen her dad is really sorry he cried a lot about it and asked for
forgiveness. I feel like I forgave him for betraying me, but now that I think of
it that is the easy part of forgiving him. What I can't forgive him for is
molesting the other children. At one time when he was confronted by a pastor
about it he started speaking these weird words like he was possessed or speaking
in tongues. Was that an act? I wish I could know. I would like to be able to
help other women who are going through this. My life is finally turned around.
But I'm still waiting for him to screw up and have someone else turn him in. The
thought of him hurting another child is unbearable.
Well thank you for letting me share my story. There does not seem to be much
help out there for the spouse of a molester. At that time when I was looking I
only found 1 book. She wasn't a Christian. I'd really like to help other woman
and children get through this pain. I remember not being able to get out of bed
in the morning because the pain was so awful. I feel like I should use this for
helping others. Thanks again for having this article here for me to find.
His Servant;
(Name omitted)
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