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Letters To Victims of Abuse

My Dear Sister in the Lord,

I pray that this letter finds you open and ready to hear what the Lord is saying to you. Your letter moved my heart very deeply, for it is my heart's desire is to see victims of abuse set free from the pain and turmoil that follows them the rest of their lives. I see that even though you are older, and the physical torment is behind you, that by your writing to us you are taking a big step through your seeking answers from someone towards putting the past behind you because you still continue to deal with the pain and anguish of it every day. Perhaps this is the reason the Lord led you to our website, that by your seeking out answers for the sake of your niece's, you would find the ministry He has for you. Even though I am writing in response to your letter, I would like you to know that you are welcome to write to us any time you like, it is very important to have support and encouragement from fellow sisters in the Lord.

In reference to your question about what you should do. The Word of God says we are to protect the children, and as a young woman who has been through what you have, I am sure you can understand how important and serious this is better than some and how much you wished someone had protected you as a child. Being a victim of abuse yourself and knowing how traumatic and life changing it was for you, and also bearing the burden of it still, is very painful even now, after all these years. You should know that it is of the utmost important it is to do everything possible to make sure it doesn't happen to others. What you need to do is report this to the police. Regardless of whatever else you do, if you fail to do this, then the Lord will not count you as having done all you could to bring the sin into the light so it can't hide anymore. Reporting sexual abuse of any kind to the police is a very big deal, I know! And yes, as you said, it can seem ruin lives. But what you need to remember, above all, is that lives can be saved and broken lives can be mended through it. I am not saying you need to report your concerns for your nieces to the police just yet that will come in time, but you will have to report your story regardless of how long ago it happened.

Having been through this already I will tell you that it is a very difficult thing to do. But despite whatever hardships follow. Keep in your heart that no matter how difficult it is to continue on and do the Lord's will, that there are always better times that come afterwards. Even if it seems as if nobody else benefits from you reporting to the police, you yourself will begin the healing the Lord has for you (but the truth is many will benefit from it, including your stepfather). You may wonder how it is that your stepfather could benefit from you reporting him to the police? By doing this, you give him no opportunity to hide from the truth about himself. He will have a real opening and opportunity to apologize (if he chooses) for what he did to you and hopefully he will realize just how much pain and turmoil he caused you. I know that my sister mentioned in her letter to you that typically pedophiles do not change but I want to encourage you that it is NOT impossible. Honestly, in our research we have never found any genuine incident in which a pedophile HAS changed, but once again I re-iterate that it is still not impossible, everything we do is an act of the precious and weighty gift of free will and even this is something that can be forgiven by God if the guilty one genuinely receives conviction from the Holy Spirit and truly accepts the spirit of repentance and desires to have a full understanding of the depth of the depravity of the sin and the complete and total destruction it has caused, how it has sickened the heart of God the same way everyone who comes to God with an open heart must see their sin. Then yes, God can forgive even this. The problem is that once this crime is committed, it is the predator who CHOOSES not to change. So it will only be by your reporting him to the police that he can be given the opportunity to change and actually repent for what he did. Because if you don't, who will? In all these years, no one else has come forward about him and exposed him for what he is.

I assume you might like to know what will happen if you do this. I cannot tell you exactly what your future holds. What I can do is share with you all of what happened with me as best I am able, in hopes that you may be as prepared as possible for what is to come if you do choose to speak the truth.

When I reported my ex husband to the police, they asked me for very specific details about the incidents that happened. They asked me for the most detailed description possible of everything that happened. (It is important for you to know that they are not looking for your feelings; they are looking for cold hard facts. You are going to have to be willing to recall everything you can for them.) And this was a very, very painful experience for me. It will most likely tear you apart and hurt you like crazy as it did I. But as the Lord says, “THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE”, and He is 100% faithful in this I can assure you.

Though it hurt me deeply to bring up all of the painful memories and describe them in great detail, it brought me the peace that I had been looking for, for I finally gotten it out. You have no idea how bound you are if you are not able to bring out even the smallest detail by 'telling' someone. And through all this, what happened to my family? They all shied away from me. I had no support whatsoever from any of them, all but one, my sister Joanna.

Instead of support, what I received was a guilt trip every time I ran into one of them. I was hated by them and my ex husband was loved by them more than I was. I still to this day do not have contact with them. Not because they chose to live without me, but because I realized very quickly that they did not care for the children involved, their baby granddaughter, even their own daughters, not to mention children outside the family hurt by him, they cared about their reputation and what others will think or say about them. Why were they scared to face the police? Because my biological father was also a pedophile and my mother helped to cover it up. They did not want to have that dug into. My mother covered it up because she was afraid to lose the security that my father had provided for her and although she wanted to leave him, she didn't know what was going to happen to her if she did. She felt like there was no way out. I chose to leave them behind because they would not walk in the Lord's will and by doing so they held me in bondage by trying to hush me up and by trying to sweep it all away under the carpet. That is no way to live. You cannot just 'forget and pretend' it hasn't happened. Your not living all that way, you're just going through the motions, a shell, and empty existence of fear and hurt.

I would strongly suggest that you not only report all that happened to the police, but also that you would tell your stepsister what happened to you for two reasons. One, that she can be given the opportunity to keep her children safe. And two, she may have been a victim too and is afraid to say something; afraid no one will believe her. Perhaps your story will help her to know that she is not alone and there is healing for her too and by doing this, you will grow stronger and have more courage and resolve to be able to face what is to come. Of the utmost importance is that you also tell her as soon as possible what you heard your niece say to make her aware that they may be in danger.

I want to prepare you ahead of time for what are you to expect, so that when you do take action, you are not blindsided by it. What should you look for? Firstly, there will be a lot of pain and turmoil and tears over having to bring this out into the open, just know that it is part of the natural healing process the Lord has put in place. You may very well have people look at you in hatred that once showed you kindness and love. You may have your pastor and church friends looking down on you, and this is usually because they feel foolish for befriending or even looking up to a man that is really unworthy of the relationship they gave him, nothing more and they blame you because you saw what they did not. And if the police arrest him you will most likely need to testify in court (unless there is more than one or two reliable witnesses). It may take many months of dealing with this. But the greatest question is whether it's worth it? Absolutely. For your report alone may bring many other children out who have been hiding this for years. It may also save many more that could have been future victims, including your nieces. It will mean that you have followed the Lord's will and in doing so you will become a stronger person in the Lord. You will learn through the pain how to hold on to the Lord and how to trust him. And you will be able to find peace about your past and one day the Lord might even use what you went through to rescue others in the position you are in right now.

The Lord will never put you through anything you cannot handle, for if you lean on the Lord you can use his strength to see you through, to hang on when the going gets tough. If you are afraid of what you are going to have to deal with and go through, my sister, I encourage you to please allow the fear to take you over for the Lord is with you and you have the support and prayer of everyone in this ministry. If you will just trust in the Lord and walk willingly on the path He has selected for you everything will work out in the end. Don't let the enemy fill you with fear and worry. For we know not what the future holds, but thankfully that it is in the Lord's hands and He will carry you through it all, if you will but take that leap of faith. Rather than look at it as ruining lives by your going to the police, lets look at it as bringing about a change that is hard to accept at the time, but from which good things for the future will spring forth, and who knows what the Lord is going to do. All I know is that the Lord has given you a guideline, and you can choose only one of two ways; follow it and end up with a life of joy unlike anything you have ever known (speaking from personal experience), or forsake it and never know that joy or release from the burden you carry. Remember the pain the Lord went through for us when he bore the cross, although he no longer bears the cross, he can bear your burdens. And He says for us to take up our cross and bear it. Are you willing to bear your cross for Him? Knowing that you face a hard road ahead. Trying to see that He has a plan in it? Is worth it? Yes, I value what the Lord has done for me more than my own life itself, and the joy I have found in doing what I did (with the Lords strength and guidance) is greater than you could imagine and I want to see you walking in it and being blessed by it too!

Dear Sister,

Truly, my heart goes out to you in your present situation. I too was sexually and mentally abused as a child, by both my father and my uncle, who was his younger brother and sometimes by both on the same night because my uncle was living with us. My mother (biological) is still in denial 15 years later, at least about what my father did, she will admit to what my uncle did though, and now she asks me the same question your mother did 'what do you want me to do?' As a mother, when faced with the truth, she should have known that there was only one thing to do, get the hell out, and go the police. Yes, living on the streets would have been better than that life.

So yes, I have some idea of what it is you have been through and are going through even now. And I have some very strong advice for you, actually, I will tell you what God commands us in His word to do, but the choice still remains yours, and for each, there is a heavy price to pay, one may involve losing your family, which from personal experience, is not as bad as the alternative, losing God.

This is what God commands you to do if others will not 'scream the truth from the house tops' (Matthew 10 v 26-28 & Luke 12 v 2-7), tell your sister, and you will be protecting not just your nieces, but other children that he comes in contact with on a daily basis that you know nothing about. Otherwise, innocent blood is on YOUR hands (Isaiah 1 v 15, Isaiah 59 v 7 & Jeremiah 22 v 3)) that you will have to give an account of before God because you stood by and did nothing when you had the God given power to do something about it! As the old saying goes, evil flourishes when a good man (or in your case a good woman) does nothing (Matthew 12 v 35 Ephesians 4 v 17-24). A child molester never stops abusing, it's a line before God that once crossed is almost (or in my personal opinion absolutely) impossible to come back from, they never lose the desire for it in their hearts, they simply move on to new victims as the current get too old. I would like to say that your stepfather might be different, but sadly I am 100% certain that I am not wrong in this.

Most importantly, you need to GO TO THE POLICE (Romans 13 v 1, 1 Peter 2 v 11-17) for God commands us to obey the laws of the land, and in this country, if you don't go to the police, you are an accessory to the fact, which basically means that if one of your nieces is touched and does the smart thing by going to the police and the police find out you knew and you did nothing (not even to help yourself, because as a 13,14,15 or even 16 year old, you knew that what had been done to you was wrong, you should have done something for yourself if no one else would), you could be facing criminal charges along side him, so I would say that now is the time for you to choose which side of the Law you want to be on.

Also, God commands you to have nothing to do with your stepfather or your mother (2 Corinthians 6 v 14-18, 1 Corinthians 5 v 11), she made her choice the very first time you went to her about it and she decided to allow a monster to continue to destroy her child, she could have left him when you were eleven, but in her selfishness, she valued his money and false security over her own child's safety and purity, because of her inaction, you were robbed of something you can never get back, and that makes her no mother at all. Even an animal will defend it's young.

I know that what I have to say comes across as harsh, and it will be a hard thing for you to do, especially if (your stepsister) the mother of your nieces is his natural daughter, she might tell you that he never touched her, which might be true but that is doubtful, who knows, he may have found it easier to play out his evil desires on you, because you were not his daughter.

So, IF you do the right thing before God (Proverbs 16 v 3), you do stand the chance of losing your 'family' (Mark 10 v 29-30), but you will save the innocence of young defenseless children, a wonderful thing in God's eyes. And if you do not do the right thing, you will lose God because you chose to uphold and hide evil. But I want to encourage you in this, the Lord is not a respecter of persons (Romans 2 v 11), and He says in his word that what He has done for one He can do for another, I was lonely because I told the truth about my blood family (Psalm 68 v 6), and He placed me in a godly family, one that's stands up to injustice of any kind and SUPPORTS others who wish to do the same, if he can do that for me, he can do it for you, if you lose your family to the truth, then, you have lost nothing and have everything to gain, for the lord can and will bring along a family that will encourage you and who will desire to see you grow in the things of God. If it goes down that way, make sure your nieces know the truth about what happened to you, and make sure they understand that they can come to you or call you if anything ever happens to them and that you will believe and help them in any way you can.

Go and ask your mother, was the life she lived, while you were in hell worth the price you paid for her. Look to yourself, remember the terror you experienced every single day, imagine the terror your nieces may be experience every they go to his house, and you sister unwittingly sending them off to 'help grandpa in the barn' even when they protest most vehemently to her about it, and you will find her saying 'I don't understand why you are behaving this way, you shouldn't treat your grandfather like this, it's very rude' and being so embarrassed by their behavior. I have seen it all before and sadly, I have seen way too many people choose to do nothing rather than rock the boat (Galatians 1 v 10 & 1 Thessalonians 2 v 4), and put someone who truly deserves to be behind bars in jail, they don't want to be the one responsible for something like that, but someone has to be responsible and if not you, than who, and if not now, then when? When it's too late and all that's precious and pure in their lives is gone and they have no special gift to give their husband on their wedding night because some undeserving animal took it from them, all this is in your hands. You're fortunate; you are 27, for I was only 21 and seven months pregnant with our first child when I went through it. If I had not willingly spoken out, on top of what I had already lost as a child, I would have lost my husband too, because as a man of God he would not stand beside someone who would do nothing in the face of such great evil, for my father was an 'upstanding' member of society, a retired police officer and a well known and respected pastor, try telling the truth to people about a man with those qualifications.

No one will believe it when you try to speak the truth (John 3 v 11), they just don't want to, that is why the church will never help you deal with it, they would rather sweep it under the carpet and have 'closet counseling sessions'. My sister-in-law can tell you just how well church counseling works, her first husband who is now in jail, sexually abused their little baby, and she was two by the time my sister found out what he was doing to her, that he would park outside elementary schools and masturbate over little girls as they played, and that he would sneak into her (his wife's) youngest sisters room and masturbate over her as she slept, and would peek in the window of the bathroom in his own house as her (his wife's) second youngest sister showered, the poor girl saw him through the window, got out of the shower and walked half-way across town to her home in tears. My sister-in-law was heart broken, and guess who she went to for help with her perverted husband, yep, that's right, my father, for they were attending his church and never even knew what kind of person he was, they were told it would be dealt with in house so to speak. But in general, no church is going to tell you what it is that you have to do before God, and it all boils down to one thing.... Scandal, they care about the opinion of man rather than the opinion of the creator of the universe. Sad but true!

My sister, (my blood sister, whom I now have nothing to do with) has already made her choice and it was the so-called churched that helped her do it, when she was eleven, she tried to tell the truth and no one believed her, in fact the church split up into two groups about the whole thing half were mad at her, the other half were mad at the woman who tried to help her, yet strangely no one in this so called church was mad at my father or my uncle for what they had done, in fact that's how my biological dad became the pastor! Right there and then, rather than face that kind of humiliation again, my sister vowed never to tell a soul, she is the same age as you (28 years old now), and she is now a primary school teacher who helps with children with learning disabilities, every now and then she now invites him (our father, who spent my entire childhood as a Sunday school leader and religious educator in primary schools all over town) into her classes and leaves him alone with them for story time, because on the one hand, she doesn't care who else gets hurt, why should she be the only one to suffer? And secondly, she simply doesn't want to deal with the embarrassment of having her family publicly disgraced, but the truth is that the family is a disgrace because of the sick and twisted evil that goes on behind closed doors still. Which grows ever worse because she won't speak up, thanks to the church and it's way of dealing with things and it's inability to stand up and fight evil in whatever form it may take, be it demon or sick perverted men or women with a nice suit and hair cut.

Because of such people as these, my testimony has no power in court and I am still trying to get my father and my uncle who now has three children of his own, (two boys aged 12 and 11, and a little girl who is about 7 years old) all to himself to do as much evil to as he wishes, and there is no one to stop him. But I tried, and before God I did all I can, the blood is not on my hands, but it breaks my heart to know that there are three children in Australia that live with a monster and no one will do anything to help, all for the sake of public opinion, not even their older cousin, who is too wrapped up and self-absorbed in her own misery to care for anyone else.

It will be a fight, and we will pray for you as you make your decision, we will pray that you make the right one regardless of the personal and emotional cost to yourself and bearing in mind the importance of placing others before ourselves, the key to godly love. Any time you have a question or need help, you are welcome to contact us, if necessary, I will send you a phone number at which you can contact our ministry team or myself in person and you will be able to speak with several people who have been through what you are going through and made it to the other side with Christ's love and healing power, He will be a tower of strength to you in your time of trouble and a firm foundation to you when all else seems to be falling apart, in Him you can rest assured, that as you do His will, He will meet your every need, even when at times it may seem that He has not, if you give it time, you will be able to look back and see how greatly God moved for you and through you. I am sorry that there was no fairytale ending to this letter, so please keep in mind that sometimes, life is a harsh reality, but the heavenly rewards far outweigh the cost of what lies before you, should you accept and ACT upon my advice.

For more information and help for victims of abuse Click Here.

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" is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment..." Hebrews 9:27

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